we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
