Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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