I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
