the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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