somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize