you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
