I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
