I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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