The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
