I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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