as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
