The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
