my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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