So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
