when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
