i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
