Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize