I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
