I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
