i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
