remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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