Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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