My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
