One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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