small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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