You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
