i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
