So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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