there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
