Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize