this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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