the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
