I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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