the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
