i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
