I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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