My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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