i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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