Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
