what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
