I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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