...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
