Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We left the knife in your bed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
