I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
