we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
