Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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