opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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