Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Drake has all the answers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
