And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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