saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
