new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
