He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
