I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There r osticjed everywhere
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
