Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
