They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
