I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize