If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
