would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
