check it out our google latitudes are spooning
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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