I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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