speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
