Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
