After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
