Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
