my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
