Betty ford says i'm here all night
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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