Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
