this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
