Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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