it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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