This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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