I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
