it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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