i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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