I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
