I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
