You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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