you win again, gameday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
