god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
