yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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