can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
